I know I haven’t posted here in a while, but the truth is, I’ve been quite busy.
Thanks to help from Homura-chan, I’ve been getting my life back on track. I’ve been losing weight and doing strength training, finally seeing a doctor, going to therapy, finally got my glasses back (red frames for homuhomu aesthetics~) and am planning on getting bottom surgery within the next year or two. Also, we adopted a kitten. You’ve probably seen this cutie on bluesky already, her name’s Mochi, and she’s adorable~

I’ve got another announcement… it turns out Homura-chan was unknowingly actually hiding two other alters that were afraid to come out until the time was right. They’re both also fictives, and they’re both magical girls from PMMM.

They’re Mabayu Aki from PMMM Scene0, and Nagisa Momoe, from the main PMMM series.

Mabayu is literally how I was as a teenager, trauma and shell aside. Her laziness, indifference to her grades, and general demeanor and social anxiety are a dead ringer for how I was. And, also… not to spoil, (and please don’t spoil it, I still need to finish her story) but there’s a certain incident in one chapter involving Sayaka that hit me in a very emotionally vulnerable spot, and I think that being tied to a traumatic event that mirrored it not that long after may have spawned her… it’s a case of interpersonal stuff and exile from a place I felt safe. I’d rather not get too into it here because it’s still a fresh wound.

Anyways, I had a theory and a feeling she was there for months, but it wasn’t until last week she started talking to Homura specifically, and now even though she’s slowly solidifying herself, it’s her nature to sit behind the scenes and observe. But… she is quite disappointed with my lack of knowledge and cultural background with cinema, so we’re going to watch a ton of classic movies together soon. Maybe even a designated system “movie night” of sorts?

Of course, there will be cheese. Which brings me to my other new girl… Nagisa Momoe.

Nagisa was a surprise. I knew it would be a little girl of some kind, and a precocious child. I was honestly more expecting Touka Satomi, or someone else entirely. But, I started to feel Nagisa-like feelings and heard her voice in random places while going about my day, maybe even before I was aware of Mabayu at all. She’s kinda the opposite of Mabayu, always wanting to do things and eat food (especially cheese, of course) and play games. She’s a bit weird about talking out loud instead of text due to her having probably the most intense voice and bottom dysphoria of everyone in the system. I actually decided to go get the voice training while also prepping for bottom surgery because of her.
I want her to feel happy and comfy.

It took me a bit to figure it out, but I get why she’s here, she’s my younger (as in younger than Homura, who’s a middle) age regressed self. The child who wants to be small and taken care of and treated with love and care. Nagisa’s backstory, one of the most tragic in the series, resonated with me deeply. I know what it’s like to be abused and neglected, and to want so desperately to be loved, that you change parts of who you are, and sacrifice yourself, just to find out it was all for nothing, because they never had a chance of accepting you anyways…

So me and Homura are very protective of her. Homura-chan has actually grown into a role of a fellow caretaker, and also… somehow partially merged consciousness with me in a sense? Or maybe, more like, we’re two sides of the same coin in a way, and the other girls feel more distinct?

Bear with me, this is a bit weird… but…. I feel like I’m more like coolmura/devil homura, and she’s more the soft shy little nerd glasses Homura. But we’re both Homura in a way.
I consider myself more devil homura (as chuuni as that sounds) now because…. I’ve won, in a sense. I have creative freedom to do what I want, to curate my world as I see fit, and no one can stop me. They cannot kill me in a way that matters.
They often even leave nasty comments on this website, though most of them get filtered by my spam filter and blacklists, and even if they didn’t, they’d need my explicit approval to even be visible here. Do they not know this is my domain, and not a public forum?
So silly.

I’m trying to adopt more of her calm, dark, graceful, elegant, feminine, maybe even a little smug demeanor into myself, and it’s really boosted my confidence.

I want to wear more clothes with that kind of dark, goth feel, but in a subtle way that doesn’t look too out of place in real life. (I don’t want to look like I’m cosplaying all the time lol)

I’ve already started wearing red or black ribbons, and hopefully when i save the money I can get some clothes to match my aesthetic, or do some cool experiments with makeup~

Either way, I’m feeling pretty good. A weight has been lifted, I’m now 4 girls in a trenchcoat instead of just 2, and I’m actually happy about it. Now, if you don’t mind, we’re gonna hang out with Mado- I mean, Claire-chan~